A Verbal Arsenal for Your LTE's

by Dada Orwell

One of the most potent weapons the individual Free Stater has at her
disposal is the "Letter to Editor." Many of us use LTE's for recruiting and
also to make our growing presence felt inside the Free State.

I am generally against sending LTE's to New Hampshire from out-of-state
because it triggers a natural reaction against outsiders. However, for those
already in-state or those writing their local "slave state" paper, here is some
verbal ammo.

Invariably, you will end up referring to one or more of the socialist
schemes that torment the nation and make our movement necessary. Why not have
a little fun in the process and reach your reader's funny bone?

I'd be honored if you would substitute one of these nicknames when you
mention an authoritarian institution. Some are from the local NH freedom
movement, others come from Free Staters (the two are gradually getting harder
to distinguish)! A few are already in common use.

Authoritarian Nicknames

• IRS = Internal Robbery Squadron, IRSS, Internal Redistribution Service,
  Eternal Revenue Service
  
• Public Schools = Education-Prevention Camps, Coercively Funded Schools, Government Training Camps, Reproductive Organs of the Welfare State, Diploma Mills
  
• NEA = The National Education Assassination
  
• NASA = The National Against Space Administration or Not Anytime Soon Abomination
  
• Gun control advocates = Control Freaks
  
• Anti-liberty = Liberty-challenged
  
• Academics = Academocrats
  
• SPLC = Southern Poverty-enhancement Law Center
  
• The Americans With or Without Disabilities Act
  
• FDA = Food and Delay Administration, Food and Delay Abomination
  
• HUD = Housing and Urban Devestation, Housing and Urban Dependency
  
• ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS = The Nanny Networks
  
• Liberals = Authoritarians, Socialists
  
• Democrats = Demothoritarians, Dictacrats
  
• Big Gov Republicans = Replublithoritarians, Republicans in Name Only (RINO's), Republicommies
  
• Department of Defense = War Department, Department of Occupation
  
• Gun control = Gun owner control, Victim Disarmament, Home Disarmament, Rape Enhancement Legislation, Rapist Assistance Act
  
• Social Security = Socialist Security
  
• The Whitewash House
  
• Chief Injustice
  
• Executive Order = executive edict
  
• Census = inventory
  
• FICA = Federal Income Confiscation Act
  
• Publicly funded = Coercively funded
  
• Targeted tax cut = discriminatory tax cut
  
• Gridlock = disagreeing with the Left
  
• Bipartisanship = agreeing with the Left
  
• OSHA = Overblown System to Help Accidents
  
• DOPE = Department Of Public Education
  
• Campaign finance reform = Incumbent Protection Act, Campaign finance deform
  
• Universal health care = Universal Health Disrepair, Universal Shelve Care
  
• INS = Welcome Wagon
  
• Health and Human Services = Health and Human Servitude, Stealth Inhuman Servitude
  
• Bi-Lingual Education = Deny-Lingual Education
  
• Brady Bill = Shady Bill
  
• Brady Law = Shady Law, Brady Stalker Assistance Law
  
• Tax Maxification (got that from NH State Rep John Gibson...or maybe the guy who was interviewing him, I can't remember)
  
• UN INSTITUTIONS: Whenever you want to rename a UN institution, just try pronouncing it as "un." Examples:
  
  
  
  • UNPROFOR = The UN's un-protection force (for unprotection, of course!
    Unprotecting men, women, children and girls... filing complaints in a death camp world!)
    
  • The UN Security Council = The Unsecurity Council, The United Satins Security Council, The Indicted Nations, The Unlighted Nations
    
  
  
• Outcomes-based education = outslums-based education
  
• Socialism = groupthink (thats from Coalition of NH Taxpayers)
  
• Deptartment of Education = Department of Education Prevention
  
• Statists = Powermongers, Powerworshippers, Authoritarians
  
• National Public Radio = National Powermonger Radio, National Powerworshipper Radio, National Propaganda Radio (That's what they call it in New Hampshire LOL)
  
• NAACP = National Association for the Advancement of Constant Panic, National Association Against Colored People, National Association the Advancement of Complaining People
  
• ACLU = The Against Civil Liberties Union, The Almost Civil Liberties Union (if they don't think you have gun rights what is the word "liberties" doing in their name?)
  
• NRA = The National Rifle Equivocation (I'll take this one off when they apologize for having Free Stater Tim Condon arrested).
  
• People for the American Way = Sheeple for the American Way, People for the Authoritarian Way
  
• ATF = Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Fried Americans
  
• DEA = Druglord Enhancement Agency
  
• AFDC = Aid to Families with Democratic Congressmen, Aid to Families with Dependent Crackheads
  
• "It Takes a School to Bankrupt a Village" - A bumper sticker unique to New Hampshire, apparently
  
• New Hampshire = The Free State
  
  The other 49 states = Slave States
  
• School Superintendent = School Superincompetent , School SuperinSPENDent, Empire Builder
  
• Board of Education = Board of Education Prevention
  
• No Child Left Behind = No Child Allowed to Shine
  
• Bureau of Land Management = Bureau of Land Mismanagement, Bureau of Land Micromanagement
  
• Department of Labor = Department of Labor Prevention, Department of Lazier
  
• Diversity Activists = Diversity Nazis, Diversity Police
  
• Political correctness activists = PC thugs, Speech Police
  
• Tax Boards = Tax Barons
  
• Tax Collectors = Tax Tyrants, Tax Nazis, Tax Gestapo, Coercive Funding Police
  
• EPA = Environmental Prevention Agency
  
• CBO (Congressional Budget Office) = Congressional B.S. office
  
• NOW (National Organization of Women) = National Organization of Whiners, National Organization of Woe-is-us
  
• Government agencies = Alphabet Agencies
  
• Bureau of Indian Affairs = Bureau of Indian Despair
  
• National Endowment for the Arts = National Endowment for the Abominations
  
• It takes a village idiot to raise a Democrat.
  
• Texas Education-prevention Agency
  
• SCOTUS = Supreme Court of the United Socialists
  
• Medicare = Medicareless
  
• Affirmative Action = Affirmative Slaction, Affirmative Faction
  
• Democrat-controlled = socialist-infested, authoritarian-infested
  
• Dem + Rep = Republicrat, Demublican
  
• Progressive = Recessive
  
• Law = Flaw, Overhead, Bureaucracy
  
• Rule, Regulation = Bureaucracy, Overhead, Barriers to Entry
  
• Corporate Welfare = Reverse Robinhood
  
• "Urban Spawl" = Economic Growth
  
• National GOP = Grand Old Pretenders, Republicans in Name Only (RINO's)
  
• Space Shuttle = Flying Coffin
  
• "49 Slave States, One New Hampshire"
  

Still need names for: WTO, EU, NAFTA, CAFTA (what is CAFTA??), Diversity, Department of the Interior, Secret Service, Welfare (hmmm...no nicknames come to mind, but some schemes are so respectability-challenged that the real name provides sufficient insult).

More nicknames welcome! Head to this FSP forum thread and add yours.

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Last Modified: Feb 22, 2004, 9:53 PM EST